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Surviving Parental Alienation: A Journey of Hope and Healing

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Review

According to Baker and social worker Fine, 20 percent of divorces are high-conflict, involving frequent visits to court, allegations of abuse, and chronic disagreements regarding parenting schedules. Often resulting in the alienation of one parent, the 'targeted' person loses out on a relationship with his or her child and suffers a great deal of pain and uncertainty. The authors collect some of these heartbreaking stories, put them into their psychological framework, relate them to the academic literature, and finally, offer a last chapter on ideas for maintaining communication. VERDICT This is an important contribution to a rarely visited topic. While aimed at the estranged parent, there is a scholastic curve that makes the text more appropriate for social workers and mediators. That group would also benefit from this text, which is a suitable purchase for academic libraries. (Library Journal)Poignant and heartbreaking, these stories shine a much needed light on the sometimes healing but always tragic journey of targeted parents. This book will help readers, like me, who are dealing with the pain of parental alienation to know that others have traveled this path and have survived. This gives me the strength to forge ahead in my personal journey of hope and healing, and bring others along with me and my foundation Stand Up for Gus. (Jason Patric, actor and targeted father)Surviving Parental Alienation: A Journey of Hope and Healing, has given a voice to the hundreds of thousands of parents and grandparents that can only remember their children through memories and photos from days gone by. Amy Baker and Paul Fine have given us yet another piece to unlocking this puzzling form of emotional child abuse. Their continuous contributions to the parental alienation arena are priceless. On behalf of all target parents, we say thank you. You give us strength and the hope that someday our children will come home. (Jill Egizii, president, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization USA)This powerful book evokes strong emotions such as anger, grief, compassion, and amazement. Although the personal narratives are from the perspective of alienated parents, we also glimpse the inner experience of alienating parents and their children. Thankfully, Baker and Fine are hopeful that alienated children sometimes find their way back to the parents they shunned for many years. The authors give wise suggestions for alienated parents to consider as they work toward that goal. (William Bernet, M.D., professor emeritus, Department of Psychiatry, Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, Nashville, Tennessee)As a clinician in the field of high conflict divorce, many parents come to me having been told that their story is the worst and most painful case of parental alienation ever seen. In some sense they are right because every story of parental alienation is painful and tragic. At the same time, every story has something to teach the rest of us about this phenomenon of parents and children being ripped apart. In Surviving Parental Alienation: Journeys of Hope and Healing, Baker and Fine honor these stories and in doing so, honor the parents and children who have suffered because of parental alienation. But Baker and Fine do more than simply provide a place for others to tell their stories. They make meaning of the stories. They dig into the phenomenon of parental alienation to provide a deeper understanding of why people find and marry people who will eventually alienate their children from them, how the alienating parents “sell” the poisonous message to the children, and how – sometimes when it seems least likely– the alienated children and their lost parents find their way back to each other. This is a moving book and a must read for parents and professionals alike. (S. Richard Sauber, Ph.D., ABPP, Family Forensic Psychologist and editor of The American Journal of Family Therapy)An important and powerful book – for parents and professionals! Baker and Fine have combined tragic stories of children rejecting a parent with a solid analysis of the often-hidden behaviors that lead to such alienation. But most of all, they have included stories of hope and reconciliation (equally including fathers and mothers who have been targets of blame), with effective strategies for parents who want to reach out to their alienated children. It would be hard to believe some of these stories (both of loss and of hope) if I hadn’t known such similar stories first hand experienced by some of my clients in family court. This book helps show the importance of understanding alienating behaviors and, without focusing on blame, but rather what to do now with many excellent suggestions. With personality disorders apparently increasing in society, we will (and already are) seeing more cases of alienated children. This is a problem that is not going away by ignoring it and leaving parents to cope on their own. (Bill Eddy, family lawyer, family therapist, and co-author of Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder)Amy Baker is one of the guiding lights in the field of understanding parental alienation. She has probably done more to bring the topic to public awareness than any other professional. In this new and important book, Baker and Paul Fine write with compassion and wisdom about the struggles of parents who are dealing with the trauma of parental alienation. More importantly, they provide concrete actions that parents can take to improve their situation and to heal themselves. I highly recommend this book. (Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., author of When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Get Along)Surviving Parental Alienation is a work that will help reduce the emotional isolation that an alienated parent feels. The authors give the alienated parent hope and reason for not giving up and walking away from the children they love dearly. (Douglas Darnall Ph.D., author of Beyond Divorce Casualtitesand Divorce Causalties)

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About the Author

Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D., is a nationally recognized leader and expert in the field of parental alienation and loyalty conflicts. She is the author of Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (2007) and Working with Alienated Children and Families: A Clinical Guidebook (2012). Baker has published numerous academic articles on the topic of parental alienation and writes a blog for Psychology Today on the topic. She also has an active coaching practice for targeted parents and serves as an expert witness in custody disputes around the country. Paul R. Fine, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker in practice in Englewood, NJ, in a community mental health center. He has over 30 years’ experience providing individual, family, and group psychotherapy to adults, teens, and children. Along with Amy Baker, he is the co-author of a chapter in the recently released Working with Alienated Children and Families: A Clinical Guidebook (2012) and the forthcoming book Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex: Protecting Your Children from Loyalty Conflicts and Alienation (2013).

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Product details

Hardcover: 184 pages

Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers (April 4, 2014)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1442226773

ISBN-13: 978-1442226777

Product Dimensions:

6.4 x 0.7 x 9.4 inches

Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces

Average Customer Review:

4.3 out of 5 stars

44 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#1,137,056 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

I really can't say that I love it. I went 15 years without any contact with my biological children. I tried to put it behind me, then one day, the daughter appears in my life again, she's no longer under her mother's control, she's now a parent herself. I think becoming a parent may have helped her understand the pain in my life and opened her to the possibility of reuniting. I am glad that people are still building on the teachings of Richard A. Gardner M.D. If you think this book is going to wash away all your pain, forget it, if you want to know that you're not alone in your suffering, consider it gold.

It’s a dreary rainy Saturday here in Dallas. I used to love days like this- it was an excuse to not leave the house- just enjoy a day in with movies, something cooking in the crockpot, and snuggling on the couch; a perfect mommy daughter day.... For the past 3 years, days like this are just a sad reminder that the beautiful daughter God blessed me with, the daughter who I shared a bond like none other with for 14 years, seemed to have vanished in the blink of an eye...I have experienced, I feel like, every possible emotion- sadness, anger, shock, denial.... This book was delivered to my porch ,earlier today- I have only put it down to write this review...Wow, they get it! I will update soon...

FIRST BOOK THAT HELPED ME REALIZE THERE ARE MANY PARENTS LIKE ME, A REALLY GOOD PARENT WHO WAS NO MATCH FOR MY DIAGNOSED PSYCHOPATH EXHUSBAND WHO RIPPED APART MY SENSITIVE SON. COURTS ONLY SUPPORT THE EVIL PARENT, UNKNOWINGLY, BUT JUST AS DANGEROUS. THEN T O LOSE THE BELOVED SON I JUMPED IN FRONT OF AND TOOK THE BEATINGS INSTEAD, IT NEARLY KILLED ME TO BE ABANDONED BY THAT SAME SON. THE BOOK SAID IT AS THE LOGICAL NEXT STEP. AND WHY, AND THE POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS WITHOUT FALSE SUGARCOATING.

Amy J L Baker has focused her career on helping alienated children by helping their targeted parents. If your child refuses to see you for frivolous reasons and you have not abused or neglected your child, if your non-co-parenting-co-parent is interrupting visitation & communication with your child and is waging a campaign of denigration against you then you may be dealing with an active parental alienation campaign designed to rob your child of your love and affection. You need to educate yourself in order to avoid the common pitfalls and to know how to help your child, and this book is a great start. I've read several other of Dr. Baker's books, all of which were worthy of the time and money. I recommend her books to parents, judges, mental-health professionals, lawyers and educators.

...To Amy Baker and Paul Fine for writing this much-needed book to give targeted parents validation, insight and hope to their situations. As a targeted parent for the past 3 years (much longer if you count the pre-separation dynamics that preceded the ramp up to full blown alienation), I have longed for the written companionship that focuses on the experiences of others in the same horrific situation. Whether a parent's painful journey is catalyzed by the calculated efforts of the "favored" parent's overt or covert manipulation, or whether it's due to other factors, this book provides long term proof that reunification with an estranged child is possible through persistence, guidance, patience, and a clear eye on the targeted goal. I have long held out hope that attaining the unwavering faith that there is a future date etched in stone when each child will return will actually hasten the process... and thanks to the stories these parents have been brave enough to share, my faith is reinforced. Thank you.

The last chapter covers "Strategies for Reconnecting with Adult Alienated Children". That is the answer everyone wants. Although it warns that there is no magical wand, and I repeat no magical wand, did I say no wand .... I can say that, after searching the entire world over, it is the best strategy I know of. No it did not work (yet), but I have evidence that it really got them thinking. And the book explains what to do to follow up (it can be (usually is?) more of a process than an event). So I am following up.I see the first 99% of the book as an exercise in the authors demonstrating that they know what they are talking about. I am not sure how to explain it, other than to invoke all trite metaphors: "spooky correct", "psychic", "deja vous all over again", "spot on", "story of my life", and "I yield my time to the Senator from New York". It is a heavy dose of empathy. Validation till your cup runs over.Folks, as per the book, it is time for us to suck it up and get moving. Now we know in what direction to stagger.If you find something better let me know, but in the meantime, buy this and use it.And it has stuff on how to stay strong. I am going to refocus on that too.

My child is a young adult and it is difficult to find information for my particular situation. This book is a very good start. I am glad to have the letter outline to work with and will be spending time in that sphere. I (of course) was hoping for better news, but a small chance at reconciliation is still hope.

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